I’ve been looking for something fun to post about. Pointing out conservative stupidity is like saying the sky is blue over and over. They won’t get it anyway. But this news is kind of fun.
A banker, Aubrey Lee Price, from Georgia, apparently wrote a confession saying that he mismanaged a lot of money and was stressed to the point that he was going to kill himself. Supposedly, he boarded a ferry with a set of diving weights and jumped to his death.
Here’s the fun part. There is no chance in hell this guy is dead. What he’s done is left a trail of evidence for the police to follow while he is basking in the sun somewhere. Let’s look at the options:
First option – the story is true and this guy was so inept that he became the head of a bank and lost millions of dollars. He was so upset about the fact that he made a good living doing a job that he wasn’t qualified for that he drowned himself by jumping off a ferry. No one can place him after his ticket for the ferry was scanned and a search for his body has come up empty.
Second option – he is smart enough to get himself into a position to embezzle millions of dollars. He purchases property out of the country. He writes a letter full of garbage in which he apologizes for the lack of structure and cohesive thought in the letter (at the beginning of the letter before he even has it written). In the letter, he alludes to the fact that he is going to kill himself. He purchases diving weights and a ferry ticket on a credit card so that it can be traced. He gets his ferry ticket scanned. He then gets back off the ferry and climbs aboard his own boat. He takes off to a country (maybe Venezuela, but probably some other country where he can get lost or a non-extradition treaty country) and lives happily ever after with his millions of dollars while sitting on the beach with a drink in hand. By the time the police finish investigating the suicide claims, he is living a new life.
Now, I could be wrong, but there are too many questions about this for the first option to be realistic. First, the guy was obviously smart enough to get himself put in the position to run the bank and embezzle millions of dollars. Second, he writes a letter apologizing, but not admitting that he embezzled anything just in case he is caught. Finally, the investigators say his trail stops at the boarding point for the ferry and he owns a boat that could travel from Florida to Central or South America.
A part of me is giving this guy kudos for such a well-devised plan. Whether he did actually commit suicide and selfishly leave his family, or he created a somewhat intelligent plan to avoid arrest, the fact remains that he has heartlessly stolen money from many people. In honor of his current FBI Most Wanted status, he is today’s recipient of the Douchebag Businessman Award.